Locked Locker Room Locks Lock - LOLgislation #035

FL Senate 2010: SB 2602
By Senator Ronda Storms (R, Hillsborough-Polk)

An act relating to grade K through 12 schools; requiring that locker rooms in K-12 schools be locked when not in use by students or other authorized persons and be directly supervised by faculty or staff when in use by students; providing fines for violations; providing for the use of any fines that are collected; providing an effective date [of July 1, 2010].

Section 2. A school that is found to be in violation of this act three times shall be fined $1,000 for the third and each subsequent violation by the Department of Education. [...] The fines shall be used for anti-bullying measures.

Fine already cash-strapped schools $1,000 per violation!? That's, like, two weeks of a teacher's pay. (See also: $250 Deadly Tread fines)

I was always told locker room tension, humiliation, and violence were character-builders. Given the anti-bullying trust fund, sounds like it was a fun lawsuit!

The threats of violence and, (yes), actual violence I endured at my fairly well-policed public middle school had far less impact on my development than the subtler and more nefarious forms of public humiliation carried out by the faculty. Tactics which, in today's sue-happy helicopter-parenting entitlement-environment, would be obvious grounds for suit.

Bullying is bad, sure. And locker rooms can be scary! But locker room supervision under threat of financial penalty is not the same as actually teaching kids not to be so shitty to each other.

Today's kids will just find other places to suck down a joint and one of their mom's crumpled Marlboro Lights, make out, masturbate away their accidental boners, play with knives, practice lock-cracking, etc. And other places to bully.

In the immortal words of Dr. Ian Malcolm during his visit to Jurassic Park, "life, uh, finds a way."